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Free Funny Content Archives - B. Thomas Free Bulletin Articles https://beethomas.com/category/free-funny-content/ Simple Solutions, Free Bulletin Articles and Free Website Content Thu, 18 May 2017 04:39:10 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.1 Free Funny Content (church jokes) – A Very Exclusive Church https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-exclusive-church/ Thu, 18 May 2017 04:38:37 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=1586 One of the New York churches was notorious for its exclusiveness. A homeless man with dreadlocks and multiple piercings took a fancy to the church, and promptly told the minister he wished to join. The minister sought to evade the issue by suggesting that the man reflect more carefully on the matter, and make it the subject of prayers for guidance. The following day, the homeless man met with the minister once again.....

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One of the New York churches was notorious for its exclusiveness. A homeless man with dreadlocks and multiple piercings took a fancy to the church, and promptly told the minister he wished to join. The minister sought to evade the issue by suggesting that the man reflect more carefully on the matter, and make it the subject of prayers for guidance. The following day, the homeless man met with the minister once again.

“I spent all night praying sir, just like you suggested,” he said, beaming. “And the Lord sent me an answer last night.”

“And what was it?” queried the minister, somewhat at a loss. “What did the Lord say?”

“Well, The Lord asked me what church I wanted to join, and I told him it was this one, the Northwest South Central Eastern Community Church. The Lord laughed and said, “That church! You can’t get in there. I know cause I’ve been trying to get in that church for ten years and I haven’t been able to do it yet.”

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Free Funny Content (church jokes) – Mark Twain in Church https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-mark-twain-church/ Thu, 18 May 2017 04:23:15 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=1583 The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars, after half an hour more...

]]> Looking for church jokes to fill an empty space in your church bulletin?

smile

The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars, after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars. At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars.

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Free Funny Content (church jokes) – Adam and Eve https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-adam-eve/ Thu, 18 May 2017 04:16:41 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=1577 A little girl reported at home what she had learned at Sunday School that morning concerning the creation of Adam and Eve: "The teacher told us how God made the first man and the first woman. He made the man first. But the man was very lonely with nobody to talk to him. So God put the man to sleep......

]]> Looking for church jokes to fill an empty space in your church bulletin?

smile

A little girl reported at home what she had learned at Sunday School that morning concerning the creation of Adam and Eve:

“The teacher told us how God made the first man and the first woman. He made the man first. But the man was very lonely with nobody to talk to him. So God put the man to sleep. And while the man was asleep, God took out all of his brains and made a woman of them.”

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Free Funny Content (church jokes) – Late for Sunday School https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-late-sunday-school/ Wed, 08 Jan 2014 01:01:18 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=633 There once was a boy who arrived at Sunday School a few minutes late. His teacher inquired if something was wrong since this boy was always punctual. He thought something bad may have happened to cause the boy to be tardy this Sunday....

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smile There once was a boy who arrived at Sunday School a few minutes late.

His teacher inquired if something was wrong since this boy was always punctual. He thought something bad may have happened to cause the boy to be tardy this Sunday.

“No sir,” said the boy. “Not really. It’s just that I was going to go fishing with my dad, but my dad said I needed to go to church instead of fishing.”

“That’s impressive,” said the teacher. “I’m glad your dad told you it was more important to attend church than fish. Did you dad happen to explain why going to church was more important than fishing?”

“Well,” answered the boy. “He did explain it. My dad told me he didn’t have enough bait for both of us so I might as well go to church.”

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Free Funny Content (church jokes) – Meals on Wheels https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-meals-wheels/ Thu, 24 Oct 2013 23:27:48 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=528 Fluffy, a beautiful brown tabby cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says,"Fluffy, you've been a good cat all your life. Is there anything I can do for you? Just ask and it's yours." Fluffy says, "Well, now that you mention it, I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on hardwood floors." God says,"No problem." Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.....

]]> Looking for church jokes to fill an empty space in your church bulletin?

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Fluffy, a beautiful brown tabby cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says,”Fluffy, you’ve been a good cat all your life. Is there anything I can do for you? Just ask and it’s yours.”
Fluffy says, “Well, now that you mention it, I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on hardwood floors.”
God says,”No problem.” Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer He made the cat. The mice said,”All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats,dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. Could we please have a pair of roller skates so we won’t have to run anymore?”
“Sure thing,” says God.
At just that moment, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. Sound asleep on his new pillow, God gently wakes Fluffy and asks,”Been doing okay? Are you happy here?”
Fluffy yawns and stretches and says, “I’ve never been happier in my life….and those meals on wheels you’ve been sending over are absolutely the tastiest!”

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Free Funny Content – (church jokes) – Oh God, Give Me a Break https://beethomas.com/free-funny-content-church-jokes-oh-god-give-break/ Thu, 24 Oct 2013 15:41:38 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=524 Myles, an avowed atheist was spending a quiet day fishing on the lake. Suddenly a serpent shaped head emerged from the deep murky waters. He was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. The beast thrashed its tail, waves roared, the motley beast tossed ....

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smile Myles, an avowed atheist was spending a quiet day fishing on the lake. Suddenly a serpent shaped head emerged from the deep murky waters. He was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. The beast thrashed its tail, waves roared, the motley beast tossed Myles and his boat high into the air. The Loch Ness monster opened its mouth, ready to swallow both Myles and his boat.

As Myles sailed through the air, aimed right toward the beast’s mouth, he cried out, ‘Oh, my God! Help me!’

Immediately, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. Myles the atheist hung in mid-air. A voice boomed from beyond the clouds, ‘I thought you didn’t believe in Me!’

Oh God, give me a break!!’ Myles pleaded. ‘Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!’

Want more church jokes similar to this one? You can find them in the World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes.

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]]> Funny Free Content – The Dying Minister https://beethomas.com/funny-free-content-dying-minister/ Thu, 17 Oct 2013 20:53:44 +0000 http://beethomas.com/?p=294 If you need some funny content and free content for your church website or church bulletin, you may like this funny little story. It may be tilted "The Dying Minister" but that does not mean this is morbid. Feel free to use this as well as all of our free church bulletin articles. We hope you laugh today and hope your church members will laugh a little when they read this.

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]]> Funny Free Content for your church bulletin or church website or Facebook page. Feel free to use this as well as our many free bulletin articles. The following free church bulletin content is in the public domain.

smile An old minister was on his death bed. He sent word to his IRS agent and his Lawyer who were both church members, to come to his home. As soon as they entered his house, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they walked through the bedroom door, the minister motioned for them to sit, one on each side of the bed. The minister grasped their hands and sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time. No one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the old minister would ask them to be with him during his final moments.

They were puzzled because the minister had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked: “Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?”

The old minister mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.”

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